Oct 24, 2017

Turn Chores into Bad Video Games

When I was young, I complained about doing chores. My mother always told me to make the chores enjoyable by turning them into games. I struggled with it then, but recently I made a discovery that helped me master the practice today!

Don't just turn chores into games; turn them into video games! Better still, turn them into bad video games, like free-to-play mobile games, anything made by LJN or THQ, Wii shovel-ware, or (especially) odds-and-ends "pet simulators" made by Nintendo for the DS! 

Don't like doing dishes? Maybe you'll enjoy Super Speedy Dishwasher, where you're graded on speed and cleanliness but can't garner the top achievement if you break a single dish!

Hate vacuuming? Try the new Katamari Damacy ripoff, Ball-of-Filth Builder! The story here is that you partied too hard last night but your physics project is due today, so you're going to see how big a ball of trash you can possibly keep stuck together by its own contents!

Why do yard work when you can play the bad-Minecraft-imitator-inspired (not Minecraft-inspired) Yard Excavator! Clear as much junk from your yard as possible, then save half the time by not using the materials to build anything at all!

Finally, I recommend you try out my favorite, Laundry Folding Ninja! Think Fruit Ninja meets any basic sorting game, but even less fun! Just throw freshly-washed laundry into appropriate piles as quickly as possible, and improve your score by getting it to land somewhat flatly.

Trust me, this poor man's Jedi mind trick is sure to bring a smile to your face during even the most soul-squashing of chores.

Just to clarify, you're still going to hate doing them. They're still chores, after all. But maybe, just maybe, you'll be inspired to make a bad video game of your own one day. If you're lucky, fortune will come full circle when your game makes you enough money to pay someone else to do your chores...